Tania Hutley

Great Mates

2011-11-29T02:17:00.001-08:00

Okay, so it's not exactly fresh news - it's been out for weeks now. But the Great Mates anthology edited by Barbara Else and illustrated by Philip Webb is in bookshops. And I'm very happy to say it contains my story Alaska.

Also, huge congratulations to fellow critique-group member and friend John MacKinven who just won the Lillian Ida Smith award. Go John! I'm still buzzing over that news :)

Spinning Tales

2011-04-02T22:30:00.001-07:00

I've just come home after Spinning Tales, which was an awesome weekend conference on children's writing. My mood is best summed up as tired but inspired!

As usual when I go to one of these events I have come away reflecting on what a great bunch of people children's writers are. I don't think you could ever meet a group so generous with their time, advice, knowledge, and friendship.

Maybe it's the toughness of the industry that makes children's writers so nice?

Here's my Recipe to make a Children's Writer:

Take a measure of adversity and a ton of perserverance. Mix it up with set-backs, difficulties, and things that make you shake your head and say, "What the--? "
Add the tiniest pinch of financial reward... actually, don't stir it in, just wave it over the top of the mixture with a mocking smile.
Heat slowly in a pressure-cooker and watch the solidarity and companionship grow.
Eventually you'll find a large sense of humor has formed. But be warned - you may need to add a large dash of alcohol to really bring out the flavors.

Okay, my recipe's a bit corny, I admit it. But it really was a delicious weekend all 'round!

Cashing in on Crazy

2011-03-27T13:02:00.000-07:00

I have to say I felt morally outraged when I learned that there is now a specialized social media ad agency working with Charlie Sheen to cash in on his crazy.

Not because I don't think he should cash in. Oh no, the poor man has a couple of porn-star girlfriends to support and the silicone bills alone must be enormous. I just think it's sad that the rot is setting in to the social media tweet-and-face-space so blatantly.

Isn't it true that when you see an ad in a magazine or on telly with some star flogging a product, you know they're being paid to do it? When you see a sports star with logos all over them, you can be pretty sure they didn't throw all the giant ticks on cos they thought it looked cool.

But when Charlie Sheen tweets that he stepped out for a supersized McCrazy meal and he was short a couple of fries, we have no idea whether he really did have a (line of) coke with his burger, or whether he's sitting hungry at home typing in what the folks at Ad.ly have told him to write to collect a big cheque.

Of course you can't police social media, that's kind of the point of it. But now we're not even bothering to pretend that the sell-out isn't rampant. If there's no way to know what's real and what isn't, then you can't believe a thing. And that's sad.

Next thing you'll be telling me Lady Gaga doesn't take her meat purse with her when she runs down to the diary for milk.

Pick 'n Mix

2010-11-10T17:34:00.001-08:00

Pick 'n Mix is now out in shops! Very exciting, because if you turn to page 42 you'll find my story 'Stig and the Space Rats'.

W00t! It's incredible to be published in a compilation with such amazingly fantastic authors as Joy Cowley and David Hill! Not to mention my good friend Melinda of course. :)

And Jenny Cooper's illustrations are awesome! I just love her pic of my two alien pirates - totally hilarious.

It's lovely to have something else published, and to be able to hold it in my hands at long last. It has been way too long!

Nearly Almost Just-About There.

2010-09-20T20:34:00.000-07:00

I am the Queen of unfinished manuscripts. Grovel before me, those with less than three drawers full! I am far mightier than thou when it comes to giving up half-way. Mwaha... (unfinished evil laughter).

However, that has all changed forever! Or at least, for now. Yes, I have almost finished a manuscript. Okay, you caught the word 'almost' in that sentence. I'm not actually finished. But I'm so very close. I can smell the fear coming off those two tiny words 'The End', who haven't been used for so long they've forgotten what duty they're meant to perform.

I am up to 38,000 words and I have only about 5,000 words to go. Easy! Hopefully it's long enough for it's intended audience (YA). And hopefully the critique group don't tear the story savagely to shreds. But I reckon that finishing an entire first draft is the second-best feeling in a writer's life. (Getting a story accepted for publishing, of course, is the hands-down, no-contest winner).

First drafts are easily the hardest creatures to wrestle into being. Second drafts, third drafts... even fifth and sixth drafts are like the weak, easily picked-off kids cowering behind the first-draft bully. Having a first draft nearly complete gives me such a feeling of satisfaction, it almost gets me wondering why I don't do it more often? Hmmm. Now that's a question to ponder.

A New Zealand Literary Showcase: 100 NZ Authors

2010-08-25T03:07:00.000-07:00

Here's a list of the 100 NZ writers whose work will be published in interlitq's feature, "A New Zealand Literary Showcase: 100 NZ Writers"--to be published in February/March 2011.

Can you spot my name in the list? Very exciting!

There are some well-known authors in the list alongside me. It's kind of like getting on the door list to a fancy invite-only event and seeing celebs brush past on their way in.

Of course, interlitq has the best possible literary credentials. In Issue 12 they'll have work by Richard Reeve, Marion Jones and Elizabeth Smither. Siobhan Harvey will be a Consulting editor.

And now that I've got the name-dropping out of the way, here's some more writing news. The Sunday Star Times competition closes on Friday and I kissed my little story for luck and sent it on its way today. There's nothing like the feeling of putting something in the post - whether it's off to a publisher or a competition.

It's like that feeling of anticipation I get when I'm about to check my Lotto ticket. Even though my chances of winning are lower than my chance of bumping into Johnny Depp on the street and getting invited back to his place for dessert, there's still a wonderful 'what-if' possibility that gets me dreaming.

What if I won the big one? The million-dollar Lotto win. First prize in the Sunday Star Times or the Katherine Mansfield competitions. Sticky date pudding with Johnny. Sigh.

You gotta be in it to win it. And the dream is almost... nearly... sorta... as good as the real thing.

I make it a rule not to hate anybody. Except maybe this guy...

2010-08-05T00:20:00.001-07:00

Okay, you can't believe everything you read on the internet. I know that. That's why I don't click on ads that tell me I'm the lucky One Millionth Visitor to the Site and I've just Won an iPad. I didn't try to collect the enormous prize I'd won in the UK Postcode Lottery. My kind Nigerian friend will have to find someone else to help him collect the millions of dollars he's trying to retrieve. I don't get tempted by offers of instant wealth, a better sex life, larger body organs, or losing my belly fat NOW.

I know that a tribe of crazed serial killers/rapists aren't ravaging the women of Auckland, drugging them with free perfume samples in supermarket carparks, ambushing them on the pretense of returning $5 notes they've dropped, or sneaking onto their back seats while they're paying for their petrol.

I have multiple curses heaped on me, my family are all doomed, a pidgeon will crap on my head on the way to work tomorrow, and I will never have the slightest scrap of good luck ever again, because I DIDN'T forward your stupid chain mail on to ANY friends EVER, and I never will.

Yep, when it comes to the interweb and its bag of tricksters, I thought I was pretty jaded. But that's all changed. I just found a site that made me sit up and take notice. And not in a good way. The site, which I will refrain from linking to for fear of accidentally promoting or endorsing it, promises big things. It can even make you a successful children's writer. I quote:

"The rewards for children's story writers go far beyond most people's expectations. Once your book is published you earn royalties which keep producing income for 50 years. Having some natural writing talent is an advantage, not a requirement."

Okay, fellow children's book writers, have you stopped laughing hysterically/ sobbing pitifully/ tearing out fistfuls of hair yet?

When I'd dragged my gob-smacked gaze away from that page, I clicked on their Mystery & Suspense Writing page, and found the following delightful extract, supposedly written by Fredrick Forsyth. I have no idea whether or not this is a real quote from the real Mr Forsyth, but if it is, he now has the great honour of being the only man in the world I now officially hate. Congratulations, Mr Forsyth! Please send your name, email address and $250 in unmarked bills to my Nigerian friend to receive your award.

Now, over to you, Mr Forsyth:

"Most authors, of whom I have read about or heard them interviewed, appear to have consciously dedicated themselves to a career as a professional writer. Most seem to have a sort of compulsion, a dedication, a commitment; many disclose that only through writing can they achieve any sort of fulfillment and that if they are kept away from their writing for long, they pine.

My own case is completely and mysteriously the opposite.

I decided in January I970, with little hope of any success, to try my hand at a single, one–off novel, for no better motive than I happened to be broke. Plus, I wanted a change after 12 years in journalism.

I dashed off The Day Of The Jackal in 35 days, virtually without notes, relying on my memory and keeping the plot in my head.

So far as I was concerned, that was that. If it failed, so what. If it succeeded in making me a few pounds, so much the better. At that time I felt no compulsion to write another.

That it was published at all was due in major part to the astuteness of Harold Harris at Hutchinson Publishing.
After four prior rejections I had decided in September 1970 that, at Christmas, I would put the manuscript in a drawer and return to full-time journalism. It was a witness of Harris’s further acumen that, having read it, he suggested I sign on with Hutchinson for another two novels. Which I did, and having signed I felt obligated to fulfil the contract. Without that signature I would probably have rejoiced in the success and the royalties of 'Jackal', pocketed the latter and moved on to something else.

Because of that contract, The Odessa File and The Dogs Of War came to be written.

Over 32 years have passed since I sat down to tap out 'Jackal' on a borrowed typewriter. Yet I still cannot muster a shred of that compulsive urge to write; that committed dedication to place words on paper which, I am sure, marks the true professional novelist or writer.

I like to count myself as a professional - first, long ago in the matter of flying aeroplanes in the war. (Forsyth was the youngest RAF pilot in WWII) And again as a reporter. (He was based at the Reuters Bureau in Paris and later in Berlin.)

But as a novelist I seem destined to remain a quite damnably lucky amateur. For this reason alone, and there are others, the continuing success of my novels surprises me even while I have to note the facts. For all that, I'm still delighted with my success. I know any reader dipping into my books will find some good entertainment."
- Frederick Forsyth

FaBo!

2010-07-08T18:10:00.000-07:00

9 Mad Writers. 1 Crazy Story. No Idea What Happens Next.
A team of New Zealand children’s writers have a crazy idea for a story and they want children to help them write it.

On the 21st of July - a wacky Wednesday - the story opens with the first chapter of a junior fiction novel being posted on the FaBo story website.

Then the fun begins. New Zealand children are being invited to write the next chapter, at the same time as one of the FaBo story writers, and send it to the FaBo Team. The winning kid’s chapter will be posted side by side with the FaBo Team’s version.

Each week New Zealand kids can write the next chapter, while the Fabo story team tries to out-write them and take control of what will be a wild and crazy plot.

Kyle Mewburn, FaBo story team leader, said ‘On week 1 - Writer A writes chapter 1. In week 2 - Writer B writes chapter 2 and completely messes up Writer A's original idea (while cackling gleefully and rubbing evil little hands together). In week 3 - Writer C takes the story off into a completely different direction altogether (while cackling gleefully etc).

There will be competitions, prizes and ideas stolen. Kids can write as part of school or library teams or on their own.

The FaBo Story website opens 21st July @ www.fabostory.blogspot.com All details will be up on the website in time for the start of term 3 of the school year.

The name FaBo was chosen as short for Facebook as the writers initially discussed the idea in a facebook discussion.

The FaBo Team want the story finished by Christmas. ‘We’ll need a nice lie down by then,’ said Team Member Maureen. ‘We’re up against New Zealand kids, it’s going to be tough!’

The writers are spread around New Zealand geographically.
Kyle Mewburn is in Central Otago. Michele Powles is in Dunedin.
In Wellington, Fifi Colston,Fleur Beale and Maureen Crisp.

Auckland have four writers in the team, Melinda Szymanik, Brian Falkner, Kathy White and Tania Hutley.

For the FaBo story writing team, email here

David Levithan, Dammit!

2010-05-15T22:04:00.000-07:00

I was at the Readers and Writers festival this weekend, and I went to see David Levithan speak (he's the author of Boy Meets Boy, Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist, Will Grayson, Will Grayson, and many, many more).

David was a great speaker, no doubt about it. Very funny. Charismatic. Outgoing. In other words, he was all the things that fiction writers are not supposed to be.

Isn't our witty dialogue supposed to take hours to perfect while we're locked in a room that's lit only by the accusing glow of the computer screen, the glint of the empty liquor bottle, and the frustrated maniacal stare in our own eyes? How on earth can you make it actually spin off your own tongue like that?

But it's not the fact that David Levithan is insanely successful and yet not the kind of guy you can easily despise that had me downing wines with desperate self-pitying gulps on my return home. The thing that kept me pouring well after that point in time when, hell, even I could tell that I shouldn't have another, was the fact that he is a high-achieving, high-powered editor at Scholastic in the US. Yes, he has a day job. And he also writes novels. No, scratch that. He doesn't just write, he spews forth intelligent, hilarious, well-written tomes of great literature faster than I can say, "When on earth do you ever find the time to blob out and watch Cycle 193 of America's Next Top Model?"

All this time I've been using my time-consuming day job as a reason why my novel is dragging itself out of me at roughly the speed of a geriatric slug traversing a mountain of ketamine. What pathetic excuse do I have left to cling to?

Damn you David Levithan!

But then I happened to read something that made me feel much better. I was drunkenly fumbling my way across the internet, when I stumbled on Libba Bray talking about David Levithan in her blog. Not only did it make me feel much better, it might even have saved my liver from certain transplant at some time in the future (although I'm not holding my breath on that one).

It was so good, I had to copy and paste it in here (sorry Libba, hope you don't mind), and here's the link to Libba Bray's blog, which I love with a passion. See, Libba Bray is one of the many writers I sigh over (No, not in a weird way, that's just your dirty mind thinking gross things. In a way that I read their stuff and sigh and think, Gee, I hope some day I can write something as good as that). If Libba Bray thinks David Levithan's an over-achiever, then I don't have to feel bad any more! Over to you, Libba. And bless you.

See, I have a book due. Well, technically, it was due at the end of December. But really, who turns in a book at the end of December? David Levithan, that’s who. But that is because David is actually a collection of Davids who form a cottage industry of Davids who accomplish that which NO HUMAN BEING ever could on his/her own. David is my editor on this book, and he said, in his David-esque way, while simultaneously writing two novels and four short story collections, planning an author festival, and making 14,000 mixed CDs complete with extensive liner notes: “That’s okay. You can turn it at the end of January.”

Then January hit. It was a pretty awesome month what with that pretty pretty new Printz Award and my head was everywhere but in my book. (Thanks for all your lovely congratulations on that, by the way. It was so appreciated. Truly.) “That’s okay. You can turn it in at the end of February,” David said from some concert where he was taking pictures to compile into a short film while scoring his first musical and writing new books with John Green, Rachel Cohn, and each one of the Seven Dwarfs.

February included two snowstorms (and subsequent snow days off from school), President’s Day weekend, and one week home from school while The Boy recovered from the annual February virus. In addition, my book sucked. Like I looked at that sucker and went, “Oh, NOW I know the problem—this is a steaming pile of excrement!” I went into a writer’s despair spiral, which really should be an Olympic sport, just minus the feathers and repeated musical excerpts from Ravel’s “Bolero.”

“Wait a minute!” I said to the cats. “This was supposed to be the fun novel. The one about beauty queens whose plane crashes on an island. Drama! Sequins! Talent portions! Survival! Hair Extensions! I Just Want to Cure Cancer and Become a Celebrity Spokesperson! Step-ball-change!” And yet, it was starting to feel like Ibsen had kidnapped my book and taken it for a ride through a Wal-Mart checkout at closing time.

Mid-February, David and I went to a production of The Tempest at BAM and he showed me the 90,000 words he wrote on his new project just while he waited for me to go through the bathroom line. “How’s the book going?” he asked.
“So awesome!” I said hoarsely. I gave thumbs up and smiled. My lips trembled.
“You’re stuck, aren’t you?”
“No! No, I’m fine. Gosh, these sidewalks sure are icy. Could you arrange to push me in front of that car?”
“You will find it,” he said and then he turned that into a t-shirt slogan with a self-designed logo, which could be used to raise money for libraries across America, all while we waited for the subway.

First Prize!

2010-04-17T18:41:00.000-07:00

This week I learned that I've won first prize in the Page and Blackmore Short Story competition, Yay! The main reason I entered this competition is that it was judged by one of my favorite NZ authors, Carl Nixon. I'm a big admirer of Carl's short story collection, Fish 'n' Chip Shop Song. To have him choose my story for first place was a real thrill.

Thank you Carl Nixon, I appreciate it :) It has been a great couple of weeks. And I'm also pleased to report that the novel is progressing well (although extremely slowly). I think every writer needs weeks like these to keep them going through the mammoth effort that is novel-writing.

The International Literary Quarterly

2010-04-03T22:15:00.000-07:00

Today I had a short story accepted by the International Literary Quarterly (www.interlitq.org). Hooray! I just love acceptances, don't you?

I'm also really pleased that Michele Powles and John MacKinven from my writing group both got in as well. The three of us will be in there together when the NZ issue is released.

It is nice (I've discovered) to have a little boost when you're mid-way through a novel. I used to say that writing a novel was like eating an elephant - all you can do is try to get through it one bite at a time. But I've changed my mind. Now I think that writing a novel is like chewing up and digesting a very tough, invisible elephant. Not only does it take an endless amount of time, but you hardly ever hear anyone say, "Well done, you've almost finished that first toenail, now there's just the rest of the giant beast to go - you'll be finished in no time!"

Maybe I should post my word count on here to remind myself that I'm actually getting somewhere? 25,000 words so far, if you're interested. Progressing slowly, I know. Hopefully next time I blog I'll be able to say I've added a few more. Maybe a trunk, or one of the tusks.

In the meantime, thanks a lot to Peter Robertson for giving me a smile and something to look forward to. And a big thanks also to Scholastic! I am currently going through the editing for a short story that's going to be in their anthology... I think it will be coming out in shops later this year, maybe November? Can't wait to see it in print!

The ShortStory Redemption (Subtitle: Stephen King has a lot to answer for)

2010-02-14T12:13:00.000-08:00

This weekend, I may have re-invented a story genre: the literary horror. Yes, I took a break from The Novel this weekend, and wrote a short story instead.

Of course, I won’t actually be able to do anything at all with this short story, as the only place to send them is to competitions (apparently publishers view adult short stories as the literary equivalent of dog turds), and last time I checked, the Katherine Mansfield Awards didn’t actually have a horror category.

I can blame two things for my weekend dalliance into pointless fun:

Firstly, The Novel. Just a few short weeks ago I was breathlessly in love with it. Where has my handsome story-Adonis gone? Suddenly its beautiful words are not spurting from my keyboard in fertile rivers, but forcing their way out in the painful drips of a syphilitic 90-year-old.

Secondly, Stephen King. The scoundrel! I innocently read a longish-short story of his on Friday evening, dreamed feverish literary-nightmares all night, and woke up on Saturday morning with a short story tapping on the inside of my eyeballs demanding to be let out.

Writing the story reminded me of a writing workshop I did some years ago, where we had to mimic the style of several famous writers and write the beginnings of a story as though we were channeling each one. It was an interesting exercise, and immensely enjoyable. One of the writers I chose was Augusten Burroughs (I’d just finished Dry), and I still remember giggling to myself as I wrote.

Stephen King, if you're reading this, (of course you are!), I'd like to send a vote of thanks your way for reminding me of something important. For the last few weeks I’d completely forgotten that writing is supposed to be fun. That fact is so easy to lose. And sometimes, like this weekend, it’s a real pleasure to recall.

Is it twenty-ten yet?

2010-01-04T23:24:00.000-08:00

Frankly, I'm amazed. Somehow I seemed to have missed the plethora of best-of lists that the end of the year - much less the end of an entire decade - inevitably generates. In fact, I don't think I've seen a single one.

So here's one I prepared earlier.

Best movie of the year? Avatar. But that's probably because I've only just seen it and movies from earlier in the year have already fallen down the cobwebby back of my brain. Not that Avatar was a good story (it wasn't), but as a writer I'm frankly ashamed to say that it didn't matter one iota about the yawn-inducing, know-exactly-what's-going-to-happen plot. The eyeball-spinning 3-D graphics were enough to shoot it to the top spot all on their own.

Best song? Sorry, couldn't tell ya. If I can't sing along to the lyrics and it doesn't evoke a youthful, yearning time in my post-adolscent life, it just doesn't measure up.

Best Book? Ooooo, that's a hard one. This year I fell in love with Tim Winton. My favourite so far is Breath, although that could be because it was the first I read, and you always remember your first kiss, don't you? I've just finished Dirt Music, and I intend to savour all of his others as soon as I can lay hands on them.

Other contendors jostlling for the top spot in this category are Cormac McCarthy's No Country For Old Men, and Sacred Games by Vikram Chandra. Yes, I do realise these aren't books that were actually written this year, but they were ones I read this year. My list, my rules. If you don't like it, make your own damn list, owright?

Best thing I've written during 2009? Easy! The story I'm working on now, of course. Everything I've ever written in the past amounts to big pieces of stinking dog poop, but my current WIP is a shining gem of literature that will change the way humanity sees the world forever. Doesn't everyone feel that way while they're writing? Don't tell me it's just me? That's one delusion I never want to lose - it's pretty much all that keeps my fingers working the keyboard.

Anyway, gotta run. Got a shiny gem I'm cutting, and if I don't finish it quick it'll start to smell.

Happy Twenty-Ten!

Terrifying Travels Through Teen-Town

2009-12-10T11:18:00.000-08:00

Isn't that just typical? There are no blogs for a month and a half, and then two come along at once!

Forgive me Father, it's only been a week since my last confession.... um.... blog. Maybe I'm turning over a new leaf? Although I've never understood that expression. Leaves are all shiny and glossy on one side, but the underside tends to be dull and faded. Shouldn't it then be a bad thing to turn one over? Not to mention the poor tree dying miserably because the underside of its leaf can't absorb sunlight.

Anyhoo... moving on to the real subject of this blog... I've been thinking a lot about teen-speak lately. I'm writing a historical story set in the late 1800s, so my mind has naturally turned to how the teens in the book say things, as opposed to how today's young adults talk.

As part of my job, I hear, read and write a lot of modern teen-slang. It was initially hard to get used to sentences like this one (this is a direct copy and paste, and believe me it's one of the more articulate, comprehensible and well-spelled posts on the website):
"dude if your writeing a book let me know when you release it i wanna read it send me the info on facebook and btw awesome top ten again lol"

What is it with kids and punctuation marks? Are they charging for full-stops these days? Do you have to pay for each comma? And I suspect capital letters must now cost a fortune; I'm not sure I've seen a capital 'I' used as a personal pronoun yet.

But once my initial shock at the illiteracy levels of today's 'yoof' faded, I started to embrace modern linguistic fads. I can now type the word 'w00t' without flinching. I know that 'less than three' is not a mathematical equation. Instead of bursting out laughing I just say the word LOL (it certainly saves a lot of time) - although if it's in response to something very amusing I might ROFL or even ROFLMAO.

I've tweeted and skyped, IM'd and updated my status. I've been known to call someone a 'noob' with exactly the right condescending tone. I've even fragged a PKer with a BFG, even though IMHO I'm far from L33t.

If a friend asks "sup?" I reply "sweet fa". If I'm afk I say "brb". If someone says "ttyl", my response is "k".

I can pass as an eighteen girl on the internet, but how do I pass as an eighteen-year-old in the late eighteen hundreds? I can't mingle online with those kids.

I'm sure the teens back then had their own slang. They probably hung out on a Friday night grooving to tunes on their i-piano. Or snuck out on their ponies, cruising up and down main street and dropping a couple of smoking black lines if they saw the constablery coming.

As it is, I have to make all that kind of stuff up. Believe me, I've looked for books called "The speech, mannerisms, habits and habitats of teenagers a hundred-or-so years ago", and I think they must have all been checked out already.

If today's youth inhabit a foreign country, the youth of yesterday lived in a whole other solar system. If anyone finds a guidebook, or even a crinkled old map, maybe they could let me know?

I'm Making a List and Checking it... Never

2009-12-01T00:29:00.000-08:00

December? Christmas? I can't believe it's that time again already!

I was reading a novel a while ago that talked about a great custom that the Chinese have for Chinese New Year. No, not the one where you get packets of money from all your relatives... although that one sounds awesome!

The custom I'm talking about is that they make sure that every single outstanding task or chore is done before New Years Day. All their socks are darned. All missing buttons sewn back on. The house swept and scrubbed and spotless. They even make all the food in advance so they don't have to cook on the day itself (although that's because if they use a knife they'll be cutting their luck away for the new year).

So when New Year arrives, they can start completely fresh, with nothing nagging in the backs of their brains, bugging them. Doesn't that sound great? I've been thinking of making a list of all the things I want to get done, so there's nothing worrying at my conscience into the New Year. So here goes...

For starters, there's all that tax stuff the haters from the IRD have been sending me threatening letters about. But to do that, I'll have to climb my way to the very top of my Everest-like mountain of unfiled paperwork. Hmmm, might need oxygen to make it all the way up there. And if there's an avalanche I could get covered in paper cuts.

What about the whole darning socks, sewing buttons thing? Nah, that's what the Boxing Day Sales are for. It'll be in with the new, and out to the Maybe-I'll-Wear-It-Again-One-Day box with the old. (By the way, that box has been untouched in the back of the closet for so long that I suspect unique and unusual species of flora and fauna are flourishing in there, in much the same way as they do in remote uninhabited areas of the Amazon rainforest. Maybe I should file some sort of blanket ownership patent, in case scientists eventually discover the cure for cancer lurking inside that box's murky depths?).

Okay, next on the list... house scrubbing. The very thought has me reaching for the wine bottle. If God wanted us to clean, why did He create domestic helpers? And if He wanted houses to be scrubbed-up for New Year, why did he then give them days off over Christmas?

Then there's the Drawer of Shame containing five hundred half-finished manuscripts. I'll need more than oxygen and alcohol to finish any of those off.

Forget The List! I'll just pretend it's already 2010 and all the stuff I haven't finished are things that can wait until 2011. The way this year went galloping by, it'll be true soon enough.

Back from Holiday!

2009-10-19T21:22:00.000-07:00

Hello! I just arrived back this morning from our big South American and Tahiti holiday. It was great!

Only a few little tiny incidences occurred along the way. Let's see...
- Darren had a severe allergic reaction to something he ate in Lima and his face swelled up like a balloon, causing us to call a doctor for an emergency visit to our hotel at 6am in the morning, when we had to be at the airport at 7am for our flight out.
- My brother and two friends got jumped by four guys with a knife in Quito, Ecuador. Luckily my brother is a black belt in karate and managed to fight them off until help arrived.
- Darren and I were robbed by a customs officer in Guayaquil, Ecuador. On the pretext of searching our checked-in bags, he stole our camera. Darren knew he was doing it but as he was surrounded by men with guns at the time, he let it go.
- I got bitten by a shark in Tahiti... Okay, that one's not strictly true. It was a teensy little black fish (maybe a piranha in a ninja suit?) who bit my foot, but the fright I got made me slam my knee into the ladder I was climbing out of the water and I've been limping around ever since.

No, really, the trip was great! The customs officer who stole our camera got all our photos of the Galapagos Islands, unfortunately, but I still have our photos of Chile and Peru.

And just to prove we really were there, here's a pic of Darren and I in Machu Picchu. An amazing place to visit.

We still have our underwater camera as well, which we used to attempt to capture the moment when we were snorkling with sealions and giant sea turtles in the Galapagos Islands. I fully expect those photos to come out as indistinct blobs... (hey look, there's a smudge inside that dark cloudy shape)... but it was worth a try. Who would have thought it would be so difficult seeing what was through a 10mm square plastic viewfinder while wearing a giant plastic mask over your face and trying to follow the antics of sealions zooming through the water at a hundred miles an hour?

You may have guessed that with all that activity the writing would be on hold. You'd be right! But I did come back with a brimming brain-full of ideas, so that's good, right? Now all I need is time sweet time to get them on paper. Remind me again, does success come from 1% perspiration and 99% inspiration, or is it the other way around?

The Unbelieveable Avoidance of Writing

2009-09-05T18:44:00.000-07:00

It's amazing the lengths I'll go to avoid doing any actual writing when I just don't feel like it.

Sometimes those lengths include writing-themed events. Like the Storylines festival last weekend. Here's a picture of me on the KiwiWrite4Kids stand at Storylines, trying to flog me book... I mean, interacting in an unselfish manner with the lovely children who came along.

Next weekend I'll head to my friend and fellow-writer Trudi Caffell's writing retreat in the Waitakere Ranges. If you're interested in attending, I think she still has limited places available. Let me know you're keen and I'll put you in touch.

That same weekend is the Going West Books and Writers festival in Titirangi. I'm going to try to stop in there to say hello to Michele Powles who's manning (womaning?) a stall representing NZ Book Month. She's got some big news apparently... but won't say what until I see her. I think it might be some amazing champagne-popping great news (maybe about her book, Weathered Bones?) of the pretend-I'm-not-insanely-jealous variety. Hopefully I'll be able to spill that goss soon!

The weekend after that is the Spinning Gold conference in Wellington. Three days jam-packed-full of workshops and discussions about writing for children in the sunny Capital.

And if I'm totally exhausted after that, which I'm sure I will be... never fear! I've off to South America for three weeks the following Saturday. No time for writing, my next couple of months will be spent talking about writing, learning about writing, and having life experiences... all for the sake of my writing, of course!

Holiday Bliss and Ultra-Violent Zombie Mayhem

2009-08-10T23:01:00.001-07:00

Okay, I haven't posted for ages. A thousand apologies. But part of the reason for my slackness was a lovely holiday in Fiji - pure laziness and absolute indulgence.

Of course, there is a price to pay: big piles of work to wade through on my return with only my sweet memories of bliss to sustain me.

Here are three of my favourite pics from our trip.

A fantastic holiday! But a la Bridget Jones, I now feel the need to confess my current scorecard.

Books Read: 7
Movies Watched: 5
Manuscripts Finished: um... okay. None.

So instead of talking about writing, I thought maybe I'd review a couple of the best books I read while on holiday.

The Guernsey Literacy and Potato Peel Pie Society
by Mary Ann Shaffer & Annie Barrows
Set in 1946, just after the war, this book consists entirely of letters written from and to a writer called Juliet Ashton. The letters mainly come from the residents of the Island of Guernsey, and tell the stories of various inhabitants of the island during the German occupation. The book weaves scandal, romance and history together in a way that had me laughing out loud in a couple of places, and actually forced a few tears from my hardened and cynical eyes.

Especially poignant was the information included about the author of the book, Mary Ann Shaffer. At 70 years old, this was her first novel, and she died without seeing it in print. Her book club goaded her to write the novel in the first place, and her writing group were instrumental in seeing it finished. All hail the writing community! A more wonderful bunch of people will never be found.

Now to jump from the sublime, straight to the hilarious:

Pride and Prejudice and Zombies
by Jane Austen & Seth Grahame-Smith
Could there ever be a book that is NOT massively improved by the addition of zombies? I think not. Can you imagine Elizabeth and Jane Bennett as a pair of warriors, trained by a Chinese martial-arts master, happily slaying the zombie "unmentionables" when they emerge from the fresh earth to eat brains? Now I find it hard to imagine them any other way.

The graphic illustrations and cover art do a lot to enhance this masterpiece of 19th century zombie literature.

After reading this book, I'm looking forward to re-reading Jane Austen's original version. I know I'll enjoy it. But I'm equally sure I won't spend nearly as much time chuckling. I think, in this case, the author has phrased it better than I can. There is a very funny Readers Discussion Guide at the very end of the book. The last question reads:

"Some scholars believe that the zombies were a last-minute addition to the novel, requested by the publisher in a shameless attempt to boost sales. Others argue that the hordes of living dead are integral to Jane Austen's plot and social commentary. What do you think? Can you imagine what this novel might be like without the violent zombie mayhem?"

Running up some steam

2009-07-06T21:11:00.000-07:00

I'm in the Gold Coast at the moment. I came over to see my parents (it's Mum's birthday today) and to run in the Gold Coast Marathon - actually, the half-marathon.

At 6:20am on Sunday - a slightly chilly but beautiful Gold Coast morning - I lined up with seven thousand other crazies to run 21.09 kms. The temperature when I left the house was 14 degrees and all the runners around me were complaining about the cold, even though most were kitted out in cheap gloves and long sleeved-tops they planned to discard along the route.

There's always a great atmosphere before an event like that. Camaraderie sizzles around the crowd, bubbling over in smiles and cheers and shouted jokes. Excitement and nervousness abounds. Guys in funny costumes bounce around and make everyone laugh.

Then the gun goes off and the running starts. Laughter slowly slips away. By the fourteen k mark I wasn't cracking quite so many smiles, or waving as enthusiastically to the lovely people lining the route and cheering. In fact it was really starting to hurt. I was wishing I'd trained a WHOLE lot more than I did. And I started to wonder if there was some comparison I could make to writing.

Too obvious? Writing like running? Actually, I was thinking that writing was like running several marathons, not just a half of one. Currently, I'm re-writing a story I wrote a couple of years ago. For the fourth time. Will it be finished after the current re-write? I don't know. The likelihood is that I'll strap on my running shoes once more and re-write it all over again after that.

Sometimes writing hurts. Especially, I think that re-writing sometimes hurts. When a long enough period of time has elapsed from when you wrote the words in the first place, and you can look at it with slightly more objectivity than before, then you can start to 'kill those darlings' and take out sentences, paragraphs or even characters that don't progress the story, no matter how dear to your heart they are.

The trick is just to keep your legs - or your fingers on the keyboard - pounding towards the finish line, no matter how much you feel like stopping. But having said that, I don't think I'll be running another half marathon. It's too hard on the old joints. From now on I'll stick to marathon writing instead. Much better all around!

All work and no play makes Tania a dull blogger

2009-06-09T16:08:00.000-07:00

Busy, busy, busy. What a lame excuse for not blogging! But what else can I say? In spite of the lack of bloggage, I have managed to keep chipping away at a WIP. Not the same WIP as before (yes, I have added yet another half-finished manuscript to the Drawer of Shame), but a new story. This one for intermediate-aged kids. Only because I can get away with it being shorter. Short is good for me right now! I don't have the bandwidth to work on a longer project.

My main problem is that endings are much harder than beginnings. In fact, after completing some intensive calculations, I would say that endings are exactly 9,456,340 times more difficult than beginnings. That could be why I have so many beginnings and so few endings.

Middles are harder than beginnings too, but not nearly as difficult as those tricky, slippery suckers called endings. Drat them! If only it was okay to just stop writing somewhere in the middle of the story and call it an ending, I could empty out the Drawer of Shame! I'd have 458,413 more finished manuscripts to send off to publishers! (sigh)

On another subject, I'm all booked in to the Spinning Gold conference in Wellington in September. What fun! I'm looking forward to it. I only wonder if one day someone will design a course on how to tame those nasty ending beasts. I'd definitely be there.

Good things do happen...

2009-05-15T19:18:00.000-07:00

Oh my lord, has it really been that long since my last post? How did all those days vanish?

There has been lots of great news since I last blogged so long ago. First of all, congratulations to Kathy White on winning the Iowa Residency! That's such a wonderful achievement. Also the NZ Post Book Awards ceremony is on Wednesday and although I can't attend the event itself, I've been invited to an afternoon tea at Scholastic beforehand. I plan to wallow in whatever reflected glory I can get, and cheer on Melinda and all the other finalists with my jealousy well-concealed.

I had another great review - this time in The Southland Times. You can read it here. I only wish they had a picture of my book displayed next to the review, instead of someone else's! Oh well, can't win 'em all.

Also this morning I attended a free workshop given by Jill Marshall called, How to get published. It was great, of course, and inspiring. And now I should be writing - instead of blogging!

A glass of wine and lots of other wonderful happy things

2009-04-16T22:46:00.001-07:00

There's nothing but good news from me today!

Firstly, a big congrats to John MacKinven - a member of my wonderful and hugely talented writing group. First he won first prize in the Heartland Short Story Competition, and now he's won first prize in the Rodney Writes Short Story Competition. It's first place all the way, baby!

Secondly, congrats to Michele Powles - another member of my writing group. Her book Weathered Bones got into the bestseller list for NZ fiction this week. Well done Michele! Weathered Bones also got an excellent review in this week's Listener.

Thirdly, Tough Enough is going to have a very nice review in the Otago Daily Times in the next little while - I received advance notice of it today, and here's the review:

Tough Enough is a quick and entertaining read – a boys’ own adventure with all the conventions of a classic Enid Blyton (whom I loved as a kid so no rolling of the eyes). In parts, I found myself holding my breath. Tania Hutley has written an excellent novel for pre and early teen child. Matt Amos and his mum have arrived to a beach side camping ground in the middle of nowhere. Almost tricked into a dare, Matt must go into the bush, into Guts (Rough as Guts) McGrady’s house and steal his wooden stick. Guts McGrady is a murderer, everyone knows this but he hasn’t been arrested yet. In the middle of the night, Matt steels himself and carries out the deed, managing to get past Razor the ferocious three legged dog and into the house. What he finds there is not what he expects and leads Matt into a very exciting next few days.

Lovely, ay? I was stoked to get it.

And finally, it's Friday evening... I plan to do NO work for the next two days, I've just finished a delicious glass of pinot gris and I'm about to pour another, and I've also just watched two very heart-warming videos on YouTube. Want to feel (almost) as good as I do right now? Wrap your eyeballs around these little beauties!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9lp0IWv8QZY

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vq6b9bMBXpg&feature=channel_page

And as a final note... Melinda and I went to the Devonport Community Centre and read to some kids on Wednesday. It was the kind of thing I imagined I might really hate. But it was fun! I was nervous going in but amazingly I really enjoyed it! Thanks heaps to Olivia who runs the program and Michele for hooking us up.

Work vs Writing: the Title Fight is a Fizzer

2009-04-13T03:10:00.000-07:00

Has it really been that long since I last blogged? I can hardly believe it.
And April already too, huh? How did that happen? Who let autumn in? Whoever it was has a lot to answer for - I'm still shivering through the days in sandals and shorts, pretending that we haven't turned the clock back an hour yet.

But the good news is, I'm proving that at my (not so advanced) age, you can still learn something new about yourself. Middle-aged dogs and all that. My lesson has come as I remember back to how smug I used to be, always turning up at my writing group meetings with pages and pages of new writing tucked into my laptop. How annoying I must have been (sigh). Those were the good old days, alright!

Some people manage to fit whole, complete lives into their days. They work, they write, they socialise, they have families. Unfortunately, what I've been learning is that I'm not one of those people.

So, I work. Full time. And that's all I can do right now; I'm growing to accept it. Hopefully I'll have more spare time soon, but in the meantime my brain is too full of work stuff to shake out any prose. Oh well. At the rate this year's whizzing past, It'll be the Christmas holidays again before you know it. In the meantime, hopefully the stories will pile up in my head, marinating and collecting flavour, ready to leap out fully-formed onto the page when the time is right. Maybe I can't write, but I can still dream, can't I?

You've read my book?

2009-03-27T14:34:00.000-07:00

I've started coming to terms with the fact that people I know have now read Tough Enough.

It's a strange and unsettling feeling. Far more strange than knowing complete strangers are reading it (at least I really really hope they are). I now have to face the fact that my friends are flicking the pages, reading the words I wrote and trying to picture the characters I made up.

If they don't like it, they probably won't tell me. In fact, if they say they like it, I'll secretly wonder if they're just saying that to be nice (blame my awful, cynical nature). But I know that, whatever they decide, some sort of judgment will take place.

And being judged by anyone, let alone those people you respect and value the most, is hard. Imagine if you turned up at a job interview, only to discover that the interview grilling was being dished out by a panel of your closest friends. Easy, you think? Well, how about you imagine you never find out whether or not you've got the job. You'd always wonder what they really thought, wouldn't you?

Am I the only author that feels that way, I wonder? Is it just my paranoia peeking out from that dark closet that accidentally keeps coming unlocked?

Or maybe it's those inevitable JK Rowling and Stephanie Myer remarks. No, I'm not a best-selling millionaire author with thousands of screaming fans. Let me tell you right now, before you start reading, that my book is not as good as their books. I'll be lucky if mine is stocked by a bookstore near you, and I can assure you now that it will never have a whole window display devoted to it. Please don't judge me by the Rowling/Meyer yard-stick, becuase I'm afraid that next to them, I measure up on more of an inch-stick.

All I can really hope for is that some kids like Tough Enough and it sells well enough that Scholastic are happy and keen to take on my next book. And if my friends, who have been kind and supportive and willing to fork out actual toiled-for money to buy a copy, genuinely like it too, then I will be extremely happy.

Book launch... Tick!

2009-03-24T21:31:00.000-07:00

The book launch is over! It was a great evening. Lots of friends came along and very kindly bought lots of copies of Tough Enough.

I have to say it was both very lovely and very strange. I felt like a celeb-wannabe, with all the attention and signing books, and all. Kind of embarrassing! But the good wishes and support I got from everyone there was wonderful.

On the bad side, I was HORRIBLY nervous. Which meant (a) I babbled incoherently, barely making any sense and laughing constantly in a high-pitched, hysterical way. (b) I forgot to say stuff in my speech that I'd planned to say. Small things, like, um... thanking all the wonderful people who came, for example. (c) People who very kindly bought a copy of my book got little more than a shaky scrawl inside. To steal a quote from Melinda Szymanik (sorry, Melinda), my signature looked like runny cat crap.

On the great side... it's over! And it was fun. I got to see people I hadn't caught up with in ages. And I have HEAPS of left-over wine to drink :)

Can I do it all again next week?

Doing websites right

2009-03-21T22:08:00.000-07:00

I was reading Maureen Crisp's excellent blog today, where she provided a link about author's websites. I clicked and clicked again and got to some examples of authors who'd apparently 'done it right' with their websites. Damn! When do those authors find any time to do any actual writing? I admired their efforts immensely - they are light years away from my pathetic site (sigh).

Ah well. On the plus side, it's my book launch tomorrow. Although I'm trying not to think about it or I'll get nervous. Hope to see you there!

Book Launch and Review!

2009-03-09T01:40:00.001-07:00

Tough Enough has had its first review! You can check it out here, on the very excellent Kids Books NZ website.

And if you're reading this blog, then you're definitely invited to the Tough Enough Book Launch. It's at Jabberwocky Childrens Bookshop at 202 Dominion Road, Mt Eden on the 23rd March at 6pm. Please come!

Book Trailer

2009-03-08T01:33:00.000-08:00

Okay, so I spent much of the weekend making a book trailer for Tough Enough. Making it was harder than I thought it'd be. And now it's done, I'm worried that it looks too scary - more of a horror than a thriller.

What do you think? Please let me know!

The Tough Enough Book Launch

2009-02-27T17:41:00.000-08:00

How do people who work full time manage to get anything else done? For the first time in years I'm working full-time. That's why I haven't blogged for ages. I haven't written a single word of the YA novel for at least two weeks. And worst of all, I've been very slack with the organisation of the book launch for Tough Enough.

But at least things are now underway. And the good news is, because there's some synergy between the book's themes (Matt's dealings with the murderer's dog, Razor), and a campaign the SPCA is currently running (Helping one helps the other), the SPCA may be willing to get involved with the launch. I'm keeping my fingers crossed on that one - and I'll keep you posted!

The other good news is that I've had a story accepted for Barbara Else's anthology that's coming out later this year. I had to keep that one under wraps for a couple of weeks while the rejection letters were sent out, but I understand they've gone out now and everyone that got accepted has been notified, so I guess it's safe to tell.

Barbara received 300 stories this year! Did you know there were that many children's writers out there? I wouldn't have believed it. There were many excellent stories that didn't get in (I know that for a fact - a couple of members of my writing group wrote brilliant stories that richly deserve publication and didn't get in). So I feel honoured to have had a story accepted.

Of Work and Words...

2009-02-15T11:24:00.000-08:00

After careful study, I have come to the conclusion that work and words don't go together well. Not creative words, at least. Or more specifically, not YA novel words.

So my novel is currently on pause. But this Saturday, my words-to-date, or at least some of them, will be put under the microscope. That's right, I have emailed my WIP to my critique group.

Some people may think I'm crazy for exposing it to the critical eyes of others mid-first draft. But usually I find the WIP is improved for it. Getting feedback at a relatively early stage can:

Generate new ideas and enhance existing ones

Help you to see different angles, clarify characters, remove unnecessary distractors, tighten plot

Let you know what things aren't working so you can change them now rather than after the whole thing is finished.

Give you the confidence and enthusiasm to continue

On the other hand, getting too many negative comments can stifle your enthusiasm for a story in progress. But if a group as a whole is negative about a WIP, maybe there's a good reason for it, and the work needs rethinking anyway.

I'm keeping my fingers and toes crossed for a good response on Saturday. There's always a sense of anticipation when I submit something for the first time. I trust my critique group's opinion (please refer here to earlier posts on the theme of how much my critique group ROCKS). So if the group loves it, I'll be elated. If they're not so enthusiastic, I'll be disappointed.

Saturday's the day... so wish me luck!

Building a novel, brick by fustrating brick.

2009-02-12T12:47:00.000-08:00

Sorry I haven't blogged for ages. I've been very busy working.

Okay, I realise that anyone who knows me is laughing hysterically at this point, but you'll be amazed to learn that it's true; I have been working hard. As well as my normal two grueling days a week of Tech Writing, I'm working for Darren's company. So there. (You can stop laughing now).

The YA novel was unfortunately mowed down under the wheels of all that work. It has regained its feet now and is limping along. Current word count is 24,300 words.

But it occurs to me - not for the first time - as I slave away on it, what a strange and frustrating profession writing is. If the building industry worked the same way as the writing industry does, would anyone ever become a builder?

Builder: I've just spent the last year working all hours to build this house. Isn't it lovely? I've been a builder for years, so I know what I'm doing. In fact, I built another house that was purchased by a very satisfied customer a couple of years ago. And since then, I've won a building competition. See how new and innovative this house is? Please, please, please look at it. I just know you could sell it to one of your customers.

Real Estate Agent: No, sorry. I don't like the hallway. And the rooms don't connect properly. I suggest you rebuild the second floor.

Builder: Wow, a Real Estate Agent looked at my work! I'm so lucky. If I take their advice, I just know this house will be successful.

Builder (months later): Okay, I've rebuilt the second floor, following all of your suggestions, except the one where you thought the bathroom would look better in the garage. Now, will you take it on? Please? I'm sure you'll find a buyer for it now...

Real Estate Agent: I'm sorry, it's just not saleable. Double-storied homes have been overdone lately, and it's no longer fresh.

Builder: But I've spent two years working on it. What do I do now?

Real Estate Agent: Why don't you forget about that project for another year or so, and in the meantime start working on something else. And remember: Don't give up! It takes time to become a real builder.

No need to panic.

2009-01-31T12:02:00.000-08:00

I was watching Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles the other night, when I heard the musical notes of my fairly-new Vaio laptop rebooting itself. It does this when it feels I have left it alone too long - its Microsoft Vista operating system just can't cope with complicated tasks like hibernation.

It occurred to me that maybe I've been speaking in an unfairly harsh way about Microsoft all this time. They didn't spend over five years and six billion dollars creating a shit operating system. They were protecting the safety of the human race!

Thank you, Microsoft. Because of your fine efforts, Judgment Day will remain a science fiction scenario and computers will never rule the earth.

Pssst. Wanna see the dark underside of my soul?

2009-01-28T00:13:00.000-08:00

It's weird to think there's one or two people out there who actually read my blog. All this time I've been fondly imagining that I'm mostly just talking to myself, but now I'm feeling the pressure. Can't write shit! Gotta write something interesting!

In honour of my newly-discovered readers (Hi Heather), I thought I'd tell a tale from my teenage years. It's the sad, sad story of how I discovered that God doesn't actually like me too much. And it's all one hundred percent true. Some parts have been para-phrased but exaggeration has been kept to a bare minimum.

Main Character: Me at 15 years old. Black clothes. Blue-black hair. Silver jewelery. Favourite groups: Siouxie and the Banshees, the Jesus and Mary Chain, New Order.

The Year: Sometime in the deepest, darkest part of the Eighties.

SCENE ONE
Location: A bus stop. Me and a cute guy are the only two waiting for a bus. We start to chat...

Him: What are you heading into town for?

Me: Actually, I've just won three concert tickets to go and see New Order live! It's perfect because my two best friends love New Order as much as I do. I don't know what I'd do if I only had two tickets and had to choose between them. Anyway, I have to pick up the tickets from BFM radio station, but I don't know where they are.

Him: Well you go down Symonds Street, blah, blah...

Me: (too busy sinking into the pillowy softness of his blue eyes to listen) Really? How interesting, please tell me more.

(More chat for ages)

Him: I'd kill to go to New Order! You're so lucky. (etc, etc)

20 minutes later. Bus arrives. We board together.

Him: I'm so cute and interesting, blah blah blah.

Me: My stop's coming up but I'm still not sure where BFM is. (takes deep breath). How about if you get off with me and show me where it is and I give you one of my concert tickets? (who needs two best friends anyway? Just one will be enough... as long as I've got him)

Him: Really? That would be so great! I could pick you up and take you to the concert if you want?

Me: Yes, please. That sounds wonderful. (one day we can tell our kids we met at the bus stop)

Him: Now all I have to do is buy another ticket for my girlfriend. Thanks so much!

SCENE TWO (a month or so later)
Location: A terrible after-school telemarketing job, only made bearable by the very cute guy who sits at the next desk. He has bleached blond, spiky hair and wears all black. We compare piercings. I live for the day he asks me out. Then, one unremarkable Tuesday...

Him: Hey, are you doing anything on Saturday night?

Me: (acting cool even though heart is suddenly doing complicated dance moves involving African rhythms). No plans.

Him: Want to go to a movie?

Me: Yeah, cool.

Him: Great. I've got a friend who's single and I thought we could double-date. You and him, with me and my girl-friend.

Me: Oh. (heart stops too suddenly and develops cramp). I mean, yeah. Of course. Cool.

Him: My friend's really into Miami Vice. He wears a white tee-shirt, a pink suit jacket with the sleeves rolled up, and loafers.

Me: (silently screaming) Why. God. Why do you torture me? Why not just kill me? Or at least do something less cruel, like scraping out my eyeballs out with a spoon and making me swallow them. Please. Just don't make me go out with a Don Johnson-wannabee.

Me: (aloud) Great. Look forward to meeting him on Saturday.

Woody, next time please just show us.

2009-01-26T01:15:00.000-08:00

Went to see Vicky Christina Barcelona. I would have really enjoyed it if it hadn't been for the voiceover throughout the film telling the audience what was happening.

What was the deal with that? I'm so confused. To me it was like the worst kind of writing - telling not showing through the whole movie. Especially telling the way people felt. "Christina was restive but did not know why." Could we not have been shown this by the way she was acting?

I was genuinely puzzled by this movie. Woody Allen has been around for a while and he's made a film or two before. He must have included the voiceover for a reason, but I'm stumped as to what it added to the film. Did he not trust the audience to understand what the actors were trying to convey? Did he not trust the actors to convey it?

Woody, if you're reading this, I'd really love to know why you felt you had to add that voiceover. But I guess it's just one of those eternal mysteries that will never be resolved. In my opinion it's a little like marrying your own step-daughter, Woody, and maybe you should have just said No.

Acceptance is all I'll accept.

2009-01-21T18:12:00.000-08:00

I have four short stories out in the world, searching out their fate.
Every day I go to my mailbox, I dread finding an A4 envelope with my own handwriting on the front. Why? Because as used to rejection as I am, it still knocks my confidence. And I'm in the middle of a big project - a YA novel.

It's going well so far. Tomorrow I'll hit the 20,000 word mark. I'm on a roll; the words aren't fighting too much as I tease them out, naked and wriggling, sentence by sentence.

A rejection could change that. Self-doubt is my enemy: a nasty creature who likes to worm his skinny fingers into all my most vulnerable secret places. If a rejection letter comes, I'm worried that the flow of words may dry up for a while.

So, I've got a deal for the editors. If you have a rejection for me, please keep it to yourselves for a while. About three or four weeks should do the trick, I think. But if you have an acceptance, feel free to drop me a line. Yesterday would be good.

Honestly, it killed my spirit.

2009-01-10T02:02:00.000-08:00

Took the kids to see "The Spirit" today. And in keeping with 'the spirit' of 2009 (my new, fresh, wonderful year that's filled with hope and promise), I only have good things to say about it. Here goes:

GOOD THINGS ABOUT THE SPIRIT

- I've already found my worst film of 2009 and its only January. Stoked! From here it can only get better.

- The cinema sold wine. I had two glasses. It helped.

- The kids liked it. In fact, Darren's thirteen-year-old son thought it was almost as good as his all-time favourite film, 300. So the hundred-odd bucks we spent on tickets and junk food wasn't completely wasted.

- The art direction was good. I like the stylish comic-book look and they did it well in Sin City. Not bad in this film either, except for Lady Death who looked like a contestant on America's Next Top Model trying to "look fierce" (as Tyra would say) with sequins on her face and a fan blowing her hair around.

- How did the writers/director manage to make the plot both highly improbable and loaded with cheezey cliches at the same time? That takes skill. I was impressed with the sheer awfulness of it.

- I embarrassed the kids by laughing at inappropriate moments throughout the whole movie. They didn't realise I was laughing at the dialogue. In fact, I had to laugh or I'd cry. But hey, any day you embarrass the kids is a good day, right?

- I have never before seen a metaphor murdered so brutally. And not just killed, but horribly tortured over an extended period. I quote: "She is my city and I am her spirit." It was awe-inspiring.

- Did I mention there was wine?

Fighting distractions

2009-01-05T19:03:00.000-08:00

Oh how easy it is to get distracted.

I'm working on something new. My first ever YA novel. At least I think it's going to be a novel. I have a beginning, a middle, and an end. I have just 3700 words on paper so far. And I find myself surfing the net all day instead of writing.

It's not because the story doesn't excite me, because it does.
It's not because I'm not interested in my characters, because I am.
It's because writing is HARD.

Wouldn't it be easier and nicer to laze in the gorgeous sunshine of this beautiful day and read a fantastic book that someone else has written?
YES! Hell yes! A million times, Yes!

So why do I keep writing?

That's a hard question. Ready for some soul-baring? Here goes:

• I write because I LOVE the successes... sparse though they may be. What sweeter moment than opening an acceptance letter or receiving the first copy of a book with your name on the cover?

• I write because I like being a writer. I love the writing community who are warm, welcoming and friendly. I like it when people say 'How's the book coming along' and really sound interested. I like having hope of excitement in my life (those few successes) rather than just living from weekend to weekend with nothing much to look forward to.

• I write because of those days when the riptide of my story pulls me right under. I love that drowning feeling! The feeling you get when you drag your eyes off the screen and find that the sunny afternoon has turned unnoticed into darkness, and still you can't bear to pull your fingers away from the keyboard.

• I write because secretly I want to live forever. Don't tell anyone, okay?

So here I go. Getting back to the YA novel. No more procrastinating. No more surfing. Going back to it right now... there's just one quick writer's blog I want to look at first...

Here's to you, Jill.

2009-01-04T20:25:00.000-08:00

Went to a funeral today. A good friend's mother died suddenly, and as we knew her reasonably well (or so we thought), we attended the funeral.
What an amazing woman! I had no idea of the things she achieved. I hadn't even known that she'd won the Queens Service Medal for her multitude of good works for the disabled and the elderly (among others). In fact, so many people wanted to stand up and talk about how she'd touched their lives that the tributes went on for two and a half hours.
What on earth have I been doing with my life? I don't even have children to keep me busy. Have I just been lazing around all this time?
The beginning of January is the traditional time to reflect on life. Maybe it's time to do some pondering.

Welcome 2009...

2008-12-30T15:29:00.000-08:00

Goodbye 2008, and good riddance to you. Don't let the door hit you on the arse on your way out.
You started off well, 2008. You were so full of earnestness and promises of success, wealth, and endless joy. But where are you now? You turned into just another try-hard year, lying with a pounding head and a sickly green complexion in the gutter of broken promises.
You make me cry, 2008.
I wish you could have been just a little more like your brother, 2009. He's so shiny. So new. I can hardly wait to unwrap him. 2009 would never hurt me like you have.
Would you, 2009? You love me, don't you 2009? Promise me you'll be good to be.
I'm counting on you, 2009...

My Critique Group totally ROCKS! (part two)

2008-12-22T21:12:00.000-08:00

Further to my post from a few days ago, one of the success stories I was talking about was that Michele Powles from my critique group won first place in the South Island Writer's Competition to write a story for young teenagers.
Well, I just found out I came second in that same competition, so I guess we can chalk up another success for the group. I got a very nice cheque in the mail today for one hundred dollars. Merry Christmas to me!

2008-12-21T12:47:00.000-08:00

'Best of 2008' lists. In my opinion, they're the stocking-padding of Journalism.
What's stocking-padding? You know when the kids have these ENORMOUS Christmas stockings and once you fill them with a box of choccies, a slinky, and the other junk you bought from the two-dollar shop, they still look limp and forlorn? Stocking-padding is the other stuff you stick in to plump them up. A new toothbrush, an orange and a box of raisins. Stuff that makes the stocking looking temptingly full, even though it gets pulled out and immediately chucked to one side and then trampled underfoot.
Best of 2008 Lists are the toothbrushes of December reading. And it's always a disappointment to find that the Bumper Christmas Issue that looked so tantalisingly meaty is really full of stocking-padding.

My Critique Group ROCKS!

2008-12-18T19:49:00.000-08:00

I'm a member of the best critique group in the world. I would never have been published without their fantastic advice and support.
There's only six of us in the group. And in the last few weeks two members have both won FIRST prizes in two different short story competitions, and one member has had a super-positive letter from a publisher saying they really liked the manuscript he'd JUST sent them and would get back to him in February with further news.
Pretty amazing, ay?
I'm super super happy for the three of them. And at the same time I'm so jealous I could spit.

Sad But True

2008-12-17T00:07:00.000-08:00

I got something in the mail today from my publisher, Scholastic.
All I could think when I saw it was: Oh My God, they've sent me a rejection letter the week before Christmas. Well, it was too thin to be an acceptance, and I'm waiting to hear back about two stories I sent in to them.
That's so mean, I thought. How could they reject my stories just before Christmas? Where's their Christmas spirit?
I went through some mental preparation, steeling myself before I opened it.
Of course, it turned out to be a Christmas card. Boy, did I feel silly. The thought that they might send me a lovely Christmas greeting hadn't even crossed my mind.
So what does that say about me?
Am I a Grinch, expecting the worst? Have I become so accustomed to rejection that anything else is a complete surprise?
Am I a real writer now?

Kill me now. You'd be doing us both a favour.

2008-12-16T01:26:00.000-08:00

Drunk again.
What is it with Christmas parties?
WHY must I drink with every single person I know (and several I don't) before Christmas? What's wrong with meeting up in January instead? Is everyone afraid an apocalypse will destroy life on earth on December 26?
I have been drunk every night for a week. And it is seriously NOT MY FAULT. If people would stop having Christmas parties, maybe I could survive until January. As it is, I'm not making any promises about my liver making it until the new year.
The other morning, I had the big remorse trip going on. Do you know that "Why the hell did I SAY that" feeling? Most of the time I hop around with one foot in my mouth, and I'm kinda used to that. But the other night, I managed to offend more than my usual body count. Especially bad was the following:
Me: "Hi, I haven't met you before."
Other person: "Actually we've already met a couple of times."
Me: (Whispering as I drip like toxic waste through the floorboards) "I'm really sorry."
I am the person I most hate. If you stabbed me violently to death right now, I would nod and murmur "thank you".

All the rubbish that's not fit to print...

2008-12-09T21:11:00.000-08:00

This blog post is subtitled: "Who said publishing was fair?"
You'll understand when you read this great article in the NY Times:
Typing without a clue - by Timothy Egan
If you'll excuse me, I think I'm going to go and cry in my vino now. But first I'm going to pre-order my copy of the new Sarah Palin autobiography: "Shootin' Mooses 'n Banning Books: Why I Shud Huv Bean Presidant."

No country for the Coen brothers

2008-12-06T19:00:00.000-08:00

A friend and I had a long discussion about the movie No Country for Old Men and he just gave me the book. Last night, in fact. And this morning I picked it up and it got stuck to my face until I turned the last page a little while ago.
Wow! What a writer Cormac McCarthy is. And what an intensely thought-provoking read it was.
I don't think the movie did it justice. And how could it? The book was full of inner monologue where we got to hear the characters trying to make sense of the violent and sometimes random events hitting them at high speed.
How can a movie do the same job? With dialogue. With gestures and facial expressions. With voice-overs. None of them plunge you straight into a character's brain like the book does.
And that ending. In the movie the ending comes with the same speed and shock as the car-crash that is the last scene with Anton Chigurh. In the book, the pace settles somewhat and we are offered several snippets of insight the movie does not provide.
When I saw the movie, I was left asking... What the?
When I closed the book, I just wondered how soon I could get my hands on another book of McCarthy's.
A great country to visit for an ol' girl like me.

A Web Presence...

2008-12-03T01:08:00.000-08:00

Just posted my website! Okay, it's pretty rough, but at least it's a start.
And now I have a web presence, the punters will come running to buy my book in massive droves. Won't they?

Quantum of Solace

2008-11-30T00:29:00.000-08:00

Just saw the new Bond film.
My verdict? Not up to scratch. Things I liked about it were... (WARNING - Contains Spoilers):
1. Daniel Craig (Rough enough to be exciting, smooth enough to be charming, and rapidly becoming my favourite Bond).
2. The fact that there's a Bond girl in it who doesn't drop her frock for our hero. What's more, she gets to kill the big bad. A shame that Bond still has to rescue her afterwards, but it's a start.

Things I didn't like:
1. The action sequences were cut so fast, sometimes I couldn't follow what was going on.
2. There were no real WOW action sequences. The car chase at the beginning was okay, and the fight in the bell tower was quite good, but compared to the beginning chase scene of Casino Royale, they just fell below the mark for me.
3. In Casino Royale we saw Bond fall in love and then watch his love kill herself. In other words, instead of the typical fight the baddies, sleep with the girls, meaningless action-fest, we got to see a little emotion from our hero. In this one he was back to simply killing a seemingly endless series of bad guys. In my opinion, not nearly as satisfying.
4. It was too short! At an hour forty-five (or thereabouts), it was all over too soon.

An enjoyable Bond film, but a long way from Casino Royale standards. 6 out of 10 from me.

Jumping on the Blog Wagon

2008-11-29T14:53:00.000-08:00

Gotta have a blog.
At least, that's what Brian Falkner, author of several very excellent books, said yesterday. I spent the day in a workshop, learning how to market my book.
Don't you just love those words? Hang on, let me say them again. My book. My book. My book.
After a very long wait it's due out in March 2009.
Silly me, I had foolishly thought that once the book was written, my job was done. But now I've learned that I must create and maintain a website, make a book trailer, print promotional material, come up with a presentation and visit schools... (pause for breath).
I will never have time to write another book.
Or maybe I will have to give up my social life to make time. Hang on, what social life? That's right, I'm a writer. A solitary, twisted creature who lurks in a dark hidey-hole, giggling manically at my computer screen. Its true I can be tempted out by the sharp crack of the top being twisted off a bottle of Pinot Gris. But most humans prefer to keep a wide berth.
Ah well. At least I have the voices for company. What? Can't you hear them? They're whispering to me now...